Baby Steps

step2
Originally uploaded by kardinalsin.

I found this image after Boing Boing had posted a link to a blog of sorts called Post Secret a few days ago. The idea is that people create their own post cards using their deepest, darkest secrets as inspiration. They range from grippingly mundane to numbingly shocking. In particular, when you find one that can be identified as your secret, it's more jarring.

This isn't that much of a secret to begin with, but I know it's something I've been mulling about in the wheels of my piddly brain since sometime last year. "I'm afraid to take the next step" could mean so many things to different people, but for me it's mainly, am I willing to make a drastic change in lifestyle to be happy? Am I willing to sacrifice a comfortable position with ample compensation for something I know I love doing, but don't know if I'll be successful at, or if I'll even enjoy in a scholastic or professional environment?

There have been steps taken, recently, to kickstart myself in the right direction. Are these my first steps, are they tip-toes, or am I making leaps? Hard to say at the moment, but I'm overwhelmed by the positive response so far and there's no doubt there are people willing to push themselves to help me out, and it's inspiring. My hope is I can create some plenty inspirational and professional-level artwork to reciprocate. It's both anxiety-inducing and exciting at the same time, but manageable.

Honestly, it took quite a bit for me to take this step. Anxiety is something I battle with from time to time and it crippled me this time around. What scares me most isn't how people would react to a specific request, but failure. Failure in the short-term sense of the word and the long-term sense. I've dealt with it since high school, since college, since I graduated, but failure is something I loathe, detest, despise, and revile so much, that running away from it becomes much easier than challenging it. A horrible reality, but that's what it is.

Well, I think there are many things that have kept me from being entirely afraid and have pushed me to take whatever steps are necessary. Classes, inspiration, and love. I count myself fortunate I'm able to enjoy all of these things for if I hadn't, there's no way I'd be where I am today.

Lucky me.