On my way to work, I noticed that one of the local high schools was recognizing by name and by school where seniors would be attending college across their marquee. No matter what school, what city, state, or whatever was announced alongside the name, no one was treated any more special than their fellow senior. It was a nice sight on my way through what some might consider one of the least desirable areas to live within the South Bay. The names, in lights is a nice little recognition of the accomplishment their seniors have achieved, but is it unfair to those who have no college dreams?
Well, the school argument, I'd imagine, would say it should be inspiring to those not attending four-year institutions to step up their academic game in order to achieve the same success. The no-frills announcement says that no matter where you go, any college is good and it is especially amazing for those who've come from so little to make so much happen with their lives. Maybe we all could have used this recognition in our own lives, what do you think?
Personally, my college acceptance was a mixed bag. For those of you who know me a bit, this might seem as a shock as maybe I'm a little too eager to howl at my own success from time to time. However when I received that envelope in the mail, my trap shut like a four-ton, iron-clad safe. I think it was equal parts fear, shame, and anxiety. Fear for the change that would be coming, shame for the fact that I never really felt completely worthy, and anxiety for what my peers would be feeling. In some cases, all feelings were unwarranted. In others, perhaps I should have been more anxious.
Maybe this is why the marquee effect did something for me. I never saw a lot of "congratulations" for being accepted, nor did I really expect it from anyone else save my parents and those terribly close to me. A few of my teachers even suppressed their disappointment that I would be attending there instead of their favored schools, but was I really obligated to make everyone else around me happy with my decision? Was I happy when people said my ethnicity factored into my application? Was I excited that I was the only one of however many who applied were accepted?
The answer to all those questions is, "No." No. The second and last questions still bother me to some extent, because on the one hand, I feel that I never really lived up to my potential in college and on the other, I feel there were many more students very deserving of being considered. No doubt, they felt the same way and I feel terrible that I could not feel that I deserved what I'd been given.
Perhaps I'm too hard on myself, but that's how I feel. In some ways I've gotten over my perfectionism that's caused me to deal myself several self-inflicted shortcomings. What better way to deal with it than to prove to myself that I'm wrong, right? Perhaps that is why we all seek more than just higher education to fulfill that which makes us, "Us." And that is why these high school kids need to realize the gift that they have been given.
I'm off my soapbox now. Normal, less self-loathing posting to resume later...
Well, the school argument, I'd imagine, would say it should be inspiring to those not attending four-year institutions to step up their academic game in order to achieve the same success. The no-frills announcement says that no matter where you go, any college is good and it is especially amazing for those who've come from so little to make so much happen with their lives. Maybe we all could have used this recognition in our own lives, what do you think?
Personally, my college acceptance was a mixed bag. For those of you who know me a bit, this might seem as a shock as maybe I'm a little too eager to howl at my own success from time to time. However when I received that envelope in the mail, my trap shut like a four-ton, iron-clad safe. I think it was equal parts fear, shame, and anxiety. Fear for the change that would be coming, shame for the fact that I never really felt completely worthy, and anxiety for what my peers would be feeling. In some cases, all feelings were unwarranted. In others, perhaps I should have been more anxious.
Maybe this is why the marquee effect did something for me. I never saw a lot of "congratulations" for being accepted, nor did I really expect it from anyone else save my parents and those terribly close to me. A few of my teachers even suppressed their disappointment that I would be attending there instead of their favored schools, but was I really obligated to make everyone else around me happy with my decision? Was I happy when people said my ethnicity factored into my application? Was I excited that I was the only one of however many who applied were accepted?
The answer to all those questions is, "No." No. The second and last questions still bother me to some extent, because on the one hand, I feel that I never really lived up to my potential in college and on the other, I feel there were many more students very deserving of being considered. No doubt, they felt the same way and I feel terrible that I could not feel that I deserved what I'd been given.
Perhaps I'm too hard on myself, but that's how I feel. In some ways I've gotten over my perfectionism that's caused me to deal myself several self-inflicted shortcomings. What better way to deal with it than to prove to myself that I'm wrong, right? Perhaps that is why we all seek more than just higher education to fulfill that which makes us, "Us." And that is why these high school kids need to realize the gift that they have been given.
I'm off my soapbox now. Normal, less self-loathing posting to resume later...
2 comments:
College is an interesting place, but the same way that it is in high school, some people excel in that environment and some people succeed elsewhere. As far as which schools you get into and all that... well... there is no formula and there is no way of ever knowing how or why or who is deserving of what. So who cares, you were accepted and you got out of it what you could. Now onto bigger & better things. :)
Very encouraging! I agree with you wholeheartedly. I'm just being a tough Virgo perfectionist-type. How annoying, huh?
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