Summer Movie Mayhem - Week 3

The review that had to happen.

Pirates of the Carribbean 3: At World's End hit theaters this last Friday and, as obliged as we are, we subjected ourselves to two hours and forty-five minutes of CGI-enhanced, salt-water-induced, hamly-acted, Summer popcorn cinema mayhem.  Yes, it was all that, and what did I have to show for it?

Meh.

If you really care about the movie, you'd read on, but that's basically what it all came down to.  Sure, the acting was great.  Johnny Depp continues to flex his character acting muscles in a starring role, Geoffrey Rush steals ever scene, and Bill Nighy emotes impossibly through a Digital Domain mask of tentacled fury.  Alone, these three actors could carry a movie all by themselves, the fact that all three are in the movie at the same time makes for some intriguing scenes, but it exemplifies how inflated the franchise has become.  The first one was a gem that had me pleasantly surprised, the second was a lesser film, but the novelty of Davy Jones saved it from being a terrible movie, this last one, really has a lot to explain for itself.

Take the character of Will Turner, played decently by Orlando Bloom.  Forget for a second that Mr. Bloom has yet to become a tremendous box-office draw, he's a young actor, with promise, but what is he known for most?  Playing a small supporting role as Legolas the elf?  Will Turner in the first film was a young man looking for love and to prove himself as an adventurer, what we have in this film is a regression from the Skywalker complex of the whiny local boy makes good, and when he's supposed to shine the brightest, he fizzles.  A very weak characterization, for sure.

The second offense comes from Keira Knightley as Elizabeth Swann, the newly elected Pirate King (from out of left field).  At the same time we're supposed to believe she's an incredibly intelligent and adventurous young lady, she is manipulated, assaulted, and relegated to Braveheart-type theatrics that come off more annoying than inspiring.  Keira is struggling to find decent movie roles to stretch her tough-girl shtick to new heights and the failure of the screenwriters to recognize what motivates her to become and adventurer.  In the end they leave her land-locked, pining, and swordless, is that forward-thinking?

Regardless of that disappointment, the biggest crime is in a plot with loopholes, quadruple-crosses, rescues gone awry, hostage trades made on a whim, and a cast and running time big enough for two movies.  It's a summer event, and sitting in the theater with your eyes pasted to a screen packed with action should be fulfilling, but somehow, it isn't.  It may be that there's no true heart, no true passion behind the lens, but my theory is that there were too many balls in the air for the movie to end with satisfying cohesion.  The imagery is great, their attempts at mythology are admirable, but when the great Black Pearl comes around for that final broadside...

It just happens to miss.

Overall Score: 2 out of 5 stars.