76 Words Per Minute

Keeping it short and sweet with a Free Will Horoscope:

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22):Darien is a 45-year-old woman who had a near-death experience when she was 26. "My NDE was exactly like a rebirth," she told me, "so I have wondered for many years whether I really have two charts, one for my original birth and one for my rebirth. And if so, which should take precedence?" I congratulated her on how lucky she is to have such a rich mystery to work with, and I urged her to treat both charts as equally true. I mention this, Virgo, because although you won't have anything as dramatic as an NDE in the coming weeks, you will most likely experience what amounts to a resurrection. You might consider having another astrological chart drawn up for the official moment of your relaunch.

Near Death Experiences tend to inspire people to take up religion or change their life in some fascinating way. Not being a total fan of astrology, I don't know if I should really take it to heart and prepare to celebrate my "relaunch."

If you liked French food before, you may like it even more now. A little too tongue in cheek for conservatives. It's like their sense of humor is now dependent on destroying things. Maybe they're angry because we have too much freedom of expression in our country. Like the right to download music, even if it's purposeful crap. Or maybe because some people just want to be heard. Whatever it is, they probably just want to prove they can party with the rest of america. And if not, they can just go out and party on Monday.