76 Words Per Minute

We all need a little time to soak in the sun and our Free Will Horoscope:

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): It's the Grunting Season, my dear. Your luck will multiply, and your alignment with cosmic rhythms will grow whenever you engage in activities that provoke your copious grunting. Bench-pressing? Hole digging? Pot washing? Floor mopping? APRIL FOOL! I totally lied. You didn't believe me, did you? In point of fact, Virgo, it's the Sighing Season. Your luck will multiply and your alignment with cosmic rhythms will grow whenever you engage in activities that provoke your copious sighing. Gazing at gorgeous sights? Thinking deeply about the big picture? Making love long and slow?

The sighing season? I can be assured that sighing will be taking place many times since I happen to be a heavy sigher. Definitely a good sign, wouldn't you think?

Even though there are certain things we can cheer about there are others that just can't be ignored. Although we find ourselves in the midst of a war, we have to remember to be positive. Even though Saddam Hussein is trying to look at the sunny side of his predicament, he has to be very scared of the impending attack. With soldiers like these, our troops can be sure to intimidate him into submission. If not, they can just blast some rock music and hope to drive him out.