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Eat it all y'all, eat your Free Will Horoscope:

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22):
"Dear Dr. Brezsny: What's a good way to get rid of gophers? They're constantly ripping holes in my backyard, which keeps me chronically pissed off, and that makes it pretty hard to concentrate on carrying out the uplifting suggestions you give in your horoscopes. —Seething Virgo in Iowa." Dear Seething: Go out in your backyard and act like a gopher. Dig in the dirt like you were born to do it. Rip up a hundred holes. Get totally filthy. I guarantee the gophers will leave. And if there are any other kinds of pests you want to banish from your life, try a similar approach. Learn their ways. Empathize with them. See the world as they do. Their power over you will magically fade.

May we all be gophers this week and get rid of our own personal pests. Who shall I drop first, hmmmm...

Has war been averted? Only time will tell. I have a sneaking suspicion that this is just a ploy by the Iraqi government to buy more time, at the same time I'm glad someone around the world has a clear head. Isn't it somewhat sad when the person with the clearest head happens to be Saddam Hussein? That's why I think something's up.

Now we all have reason to be afraid of Flipper. Not just the friendly dolphin, he also happens to be the flesh-eating dolphin.

Scientists have been fascinated by the "Big Bang Theory." So fascinated are they that they attempted to create a "Little Bang." The process itself is quite amazing, but what's more amazing is what they found. Fascinating stuff.

Not only will we get the new new Bond flick this month, but it also happens to be the 40th Anniversary of the franchise. 5 actors and 20 films. That's not a bad track record at all.

Remember when people could actually spell? Well, it's definitely hip to be a bad speller in the music industry. If this trend continues, I may have to change my name to "Marrk."

Anyone ever read Vice Magazine? I never have, but after reading this it sounds interesting enough to despise.