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We now return to your regularly scheduled Free Will Horoscope:

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22):
The choice between seeking mere survival and stalking interesting success will be thrust in your face again and again in 2003, Virgo. I'm sure you're already getting a taste of the intensity. Here's my suggestion for what you can do to get yourself in good shape for it: Become very clear about your deep inner definition of success, as opposed to the superficial, inappropriate, and deceptive definitions that various people have tried to foist on you over the years. Here's your future rallying cry: Be your own genie in 2003.

I will be my own genie, because I always believed that you do have to make your own wishes come true. No sense in waiting for something to happen when you can make something happen.

According to the San Francisco Chronicle, alternative religions are on the rise in the bay area. I lived up there for four years and I do have to say it is much more liberal than where I grew up. Liberal enough for practicing christians to be open to the exploration of new religions? In some cases, yes, but some in the area disagree. I'd have to say it's interesting to learn about new religions, just make sure none of you start practicing satanism.

I think the time has come for men to stop riding bicycles. Maybe at least one should invest in a nice pair of cushiony shorts and an incredibly soft bicycle seat. Now when you can't take someone seriously wearing bike shorts, you have more of a valid reason not to.

Ah, it's the return of The Black Hole. It would be more frightening, but it's so far away. Wouldn't it be neat to travel across dimensions though? Like Buckaroo Banzai or some derivative. Cool.

I know some of you out there don't use headsets while driving. I urge you, "Go buy one now, please!"

Having been to Ikea for the first time several times over the last few months, I have to say that I'm in awe of the abundance of furniture those scandinavians import to our shores. Must be careful of the "Ikea Nesting Instinct." Perhaps now there is even more reason to fear going to Ikea.

So new trends are presenting themselves in clothing and in the wireless community. Clothing concerns itself now with the light infusion of teflon into the fabrics we use to prevent stains. Good thing for me, I'm a messy eater. Along with that, cell phone towers are becoming more prevalent as cell phone usage goes ever upward. I said more prevalent, not more obvious.

Whitney Houston is on drugs. What else is new?

Hey, crack a smile and keep yourself busy for a while.