In all my busy-ness today, I almost forgot to update, can you believe that? If I hadn't, you all would have missed your Free Will Horoscope:
VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22):When I scream "GET NAKED!" I don't mean you should immediately fling off all your clothes. (Though I'm not opposed to you doing that.) What I mostly mean is: Strip away your defense mechanisms; dismantle the armor around your heart; slip off your boxing gloves before making love; remove the shoes that don't belong to you—you know, the ones you were going to walk a mile in but have ended up wearing for a million; shed knee pads you put on so as to kiss anyone's butt; dispose of the chastity belt; get rid of the aluminum-foil hat you donned to protect you from telepathic mind-control experiments; take off the blinders that are diminishing your eyesight, as well as the rose-colored glasses, for that matter.
Mmmm.. I can't tell if it's cynical goodness or optimistic candor that makes this horoscope so enticing. Perhaps it's the aluminum-foil hat I've been wearing for so long, I can finally take it off! Enough of that, on with some fancy news.
Google is not only the world's best search engine, but it also happens to be the most subversive. Since its search engines give people freedom of a sort, the Chinese government has blocked their citizens from accessing the site. Kinda like an internet embargo. Strange.
Some African inventors have revolutionized sex for a new generation. With their hearts in the right place, these inventors have invented the three-second condom. For further explanation, it normally takes the average person 30 to 40 seconds to put a condom on, but their invention dramatically reduces the time in an attempt to make it easier to use for a continent with a severe AIDs problem. Amazing. Just remember to never double bag it!
In the Big Brother world of news, paranoia over the recent string of kidnappings has led people in the United Kingdom to consider implanting microchips in their children. As an alternative, I submit this.
Lastly, and most fascinatingly, we have some quite risque news about a Ms. Britney Spears. Apparently Justin Timberlake wasn't woman enough for her. Reading that article puts bad thoughts into my head, so no more news. Maybe if we're lucky I'll post a story tomorrow. Maybe.
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